Blue And Buggy
by Songbird's Desk
Summary: John's blue and buggy when they get kicked out of Atlantis by the Ancients. Rodney elects to join John's SGC team and John finds he has to retrain a Marine. AU one-shot.


When John had originally woken up after going bug, he'd been disconcerted to find that they hadn't been able to reverse the whole...thing. He was blue. His skin was _really_ tough (even if it felt like normal skin). He was strong (he could match Ronon). His stamina was still increased (he could _beat_ Ronon). He could climb walls (how cool is that?). And his temper was still...uneasy. The temper issue hadn't been known until four weeks after he was turned, when he let loose on a bunch of new Marines that had been bad-mouthing Rodney. The only one not surprised at the incident was Rodney, who simply shrugged and raised a brow as though to say 'What else did you expect?'

So, when the Atlanteans kicked them out of Atlantis, he had a few problems holding his temper in check. Rodney had helped in being his exasperating self, and that blasted bear-hug from Ronon had removed the edge. Stepping through the Stargate and into the SGC, though, raised his temper once more when he realised that the occupants of the Gate Room _and_ the Control Room _and_ the Briefing Room upstairs were staring at him. It was Rodney that came to his defense.

"What? None of you ever seen a blue man before?" The scientist crossed his arms, glaring the starers into embarrassment as Elizabeth stepped through the Gate behind them. "Better."

Elizabeth looked around with an eyebrow raised. "What did you do to them, Rodney?"

Rodney snorted. "They just can't seem to wrap their brains around a blue man." He smirked at John out of the corner of his eye. "A blue _buggy_ man." John gave a relaxed grin at the teasing.

"They'd better considering that Lt Colonel Sheppard been stationed here at the SGC." Landry commented from the bottom of the ramp. "Welcome back home." He winced slightly at their looks. "Right, well, you lot know where you're going. Colonel, a word?" John nodded and stayed to the side as the rest of the group scattered. He was pleased to note, though, that Rodney hung around outside the Gate Room. "Have you decided on your team members?"

"McKay, sir." John answered promptly. "We'll start at the top of the list for the other two positions, sir."

Landry frowned. "Area 51 has put in a request for Dr McKay's services."

"I'd rather he was with me, sir. Less likely to blow up the planet." John stiffled a grin at Landry's look. "We can ask him what he prefers, sir."

Landry nodded. "Dr McKay!" Rodney hurried over to the two. "Area 51 has requested your services, but Colonel Sheppard has also requested that you be part of his Gate team. Your preference?"

Rodney blinked. "You're making me _choose_? The answer's obvious."

"Area 51 it is." Landry nodded.

"No!" Rodney yelped, glaring. "The answer's the Gate Team, you idiot! Honestly, were you dropped on your head when you were a baby? I can't stand Area 51!"

Landry stared at him for a moment. "Ah. I'll let them know, then, shall I?"

Rodney nodded vigorously. "Yes, you do that."

Landry turned to John. "Dismissed, Colonel."

John gave a sharp salute, grinning widely, and pushed Rodney out of the room. "Did you just call the general an idiot?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, he was being one. Pizza?"

"God, yes."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

John considered it was rather lucky that he had a whole week to settle in and get used to the stares before SG-1 came back from a mission. When they had visited Atlantis a few months back, he'd made himself scarce, knowing that his changed state threw them for a loop. At the SGC, however, it was impossible to avoid them as he wasn't able to leave the base unless it was for an off-world mission, or for Halloween and considering he didn't have a mission for two days, and Halloween was still six months off, well. He raised a brow at a staring Lt Colonel Cameron Mitchell. "Mitchell."

Cam blinked. "You're blue."

John rolled his eyes as he leant against one of the consoles in the Control Room. "Yes, I'm blue. Apparently, I'm a shade lighter than the blue jell-o they serve here, did you know?" That had been one of the observations a sleep-deprived Rodney had blurted out last night in the Comissionary.

"You're blue." Cam repeated.

"For god's sake, man, yes, he's blue!" Rodney bellowed, looking up from his position on the floor. "Get over it." He dove back under the console, and John shrugged at Cam.

"McKay, it's just a bit unusual, is all." Cam quickly explained.

"Surely you've seen worse." Rodney grumbled.

"No." Cam cocked his head to the side. "Don't let Carrie get her hands on you, Sheppard."

John grinned, revealing sharp teeth. "Only Carson is allowed to examine me."

Cam nodded. "Good. I'll see you around." He spun on his heel and left.

Rodney reappeared from under the console. "What did he want?"

John shrugged sadly. "To see if I was really, truly blue."

Rodney frowned. "He saw you on Atlantis, didn't he?"

"In passing. I avoided them." John admitted sheepishly.

"Huh." Rodney shook his head. "Right, well, what do you think of this sequence?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was two weeks after the group had arrived back on Earth, that John finally encountered Jeannie. He'd met her when she came to Atlantis, and had grown rather attached to her bluntness that was so like her brother's it was kind of scary. John walked into Rodney's lab to find her berating him for them not coming to see her, Kaleb and Madison.

"Jeannie, if it hadn't escaped your notice when you met the blasted man, but he's _blue_!" Rodney bellowed, waving his arms around.

Jeannie paused. "So?"

"I'm not allowed to leave the base." John's answer made her jump and give a yelp. "Except for off-world missions and Halloween."

Jeannie gaped at him. "You're confined to base?"

"Yep." John gave her a cocky grin.

"But...you need sunlight." Jeannie stared between Rodney and John. "Your bug characteristics...you _need_ sunlight."

"UV, actually." Rodney corrected. "We set up a sun bed in the corner there." He gestured to a clunky machine in the corner.

Jeannie slumped. "No dinner then?"

"No dinner." John gave her a very gentle hug. "Sorry."

Jeannie nodded. "Well, considering you're confined to base, I'll make sure to bring some things to do next time for you." She kissed Rodney's cheek, then John's, and left.

John raised a brow at Rodney. "Do I want to know?"

Rodney shook his head. "Probably not. Come on, I need you as a light switch."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a newly recruited marine that complained about Rodney and John racing remote control cars along the corridors of the SGC. Naturally, Landry spoke to John and Rodney about it, but they just moved their races up to level 17, which only had storage facilities which were rarely populated. The Marine complained again, which meant they were ordered to stop the races, and John lost his temper. Well, almost. Rodney convinced him to take revenge the old fashioned way.

John grinned as the Marine entered the large gym that had been created on Level 23. "Corporal."

The Marine froze as he spotted the blue Colonel above him. "Colonel Sheppard."

John cocked his head to the side as every occupant in the gym stopped what they were doing to watch. "Did you know that I'm confined to base, Corporal?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you know that General Landry has ordered me to stop racing remote control cars on level 17, which is used solely for storage, and have very few people traipsing through it's corridors?" John raised a brow.

The Marine swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Then you'll know that I'm currently bored." John jumped down from where he'd been perched in an upper corner of the ceiling. The Marine paled slightly. "In the ring, Corporal."

"Sir - " The Marine swallowed the protest he'd been about to utter. "Yes, sir." He promptly stripped down to his pants and stepped into the marked out ring in the center of the gym.

John followed suit and the two circled one another. "It's been a good couple of weeks since I've had a good workout, Corporal." He grinned, exposing sharp teeth and causing the Marine to pale further.

Needless to say, the sparring session didn't last long, and when John and Rodney started to race the cars on level 17 again the next day while the Marine was still holed up in the Infirmary, no one complained.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Not surprisingly, it was a blood-bath of a mission that finally convinced the SGC personnel not to piss John off. The scientist had been leant out to another team for a meet-and-greet on a planet that appeared to have an Ancient lab of some kind. John had been reluctant to let Rodney out of his sight, knowing the man's prediliction for getting kidnapped, and when there was the unscheduled off-word activation with the team Rodney had been assigned to tumbling through, he wasn't surprised. Landry had tried to bar him from the debrief, but John had simply raised a brow at the General, and he'd been allowed to stay. John listened to the debrief with shock and anger, and when the team's leader finished, his temper was a simmering white cold flame in his stomach.

"Colonel." John looked up from his lap to stare blankly at Landry. The General gestured to where he clutched the table. "You might want to let go."

John looked at his hands and let go with a slight sliver of surprise upon seeing the crushed wood. "My apologies."

"What do they want in exchange for Dr McKay?" Landry asked the Major.

The Major glanced at John. "Sir, what they asked for...Dr McKay..."

John stood, chair toppling over behind him. "Excuse me." He stalked down the stairs to the Control Room and bent down next to Walter. "Dial up the planet they just returned from." Walter blinked at him, and he gave a wordless snarl. Nodding, Walter quickly dialed it up, and John left for the Gate Room. He was stepping onto the ramp when Landry's yelling started over the com. Flipping the General the finger, he vanished into the Stargate.

When he returned an hour late, a grumbling Rodney at his side and covered with blood, he looked blankly at Landry. "We won't be dealing with them again." He led the limping Rodney to the Infirmary to get checked out by Carson. Landry kept silent about the bloodbath the team he'd sent an hour later had found in place of a village.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When all was said and done and they'd gotten Atlantis back from the Replicators, John was rather glad that he was blue and buggy. It meant that Earth wouldn't yank him back to there at a moment's notice. After all, blue and buggy was a little to _out-there_ for them. But for Atlantis...He smiled, revelling in the warm sun above the city. Yes, blue and buggy suited Atlantis perfectly.


End file.
